I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
