he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
