And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
