She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
