WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
