The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
