i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
