It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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