The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
