My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
