If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
