Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
