i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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