check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
