btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
