3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
