If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
