I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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