one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
