PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she peed on how many people?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
