U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
