508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
