I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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