Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize