Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
its not stalking. its research.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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