C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
