I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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