New invention idea: vibrating tampons
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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