i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
