youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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