it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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