my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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