I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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