Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
