You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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