she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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