I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
