guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I need water and some morals
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
