just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize