did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
