and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
