i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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