areolas are like halos for boobs.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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