whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize