we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
