why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
