If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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