I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
