Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
