I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
