Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
