i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize