I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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