good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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