Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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