I cannot find my penis.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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