just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
