I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
this boner is exhausting
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
