and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
