i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize