I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
