I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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