sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
