there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
