The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
