I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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