New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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