After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
