I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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