take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
