ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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