I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
