I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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