I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize