The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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