I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
