Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
