I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
