Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize