so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
