I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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